Honesty is difficult. It certainly is a good goal and the alternative causes all kinds of problems. People rely on accurate information to be able to properly operate in the world. Refusing them this diminishes their ability to do so. Lying fractures relationships and gives others good reason to hesitate in trusting the liar. And if one is lying in the first place, motives should be questioned. Why is it that you need to mask your true actions or thoughts in deception? The need to cover up suggests something foul underneath.

   I envision a truly honest person as one who speaks her mind about the things that matter to her (speaking one's mind about all things seems unnecessary, noisy, and misaligned with the goals of honesty). Such a person would explain exactly how he feels when asked, would not hide views or behaviors out of embarrassment when they are in question, and would tell those around him when he believes they have done something wrong. She would expect and hope that others would do the same to her. These people would give--and take--such advice not as censure, but as genuine hope for another to improve. In this sense, speaking one's mind about the faults of another is more altruistic than remaining quiet out of fear of hurting the other's feelings. One who does the former may be seen as rude, and so risks reputation in order to help the other person grow.

   That said, this is not easy. Most people will take your words as an attack and immediately rise to defense. Reasoning with someone in this state is rarely successful. Equally futile is getting them to see your good intentions. Therefore, in order to get to a place where people can be altruistically honest with each other, some actions must be taken. First, I think it's important to make your good intentions as obvious as they can be without distorting the truth. If you want people to believe that you come from a place of kindness, give them a reason to. Secondly, I think it would be productive if people viewed criticism differently. To be clear, I'm not saying that I'm a paragon of this behavior by any means; I struggle with this situation all the time. But if people suspended their ego and recognized criticism as the useful information it is, I think there would be much more personal growth in the world. One might even go as far as thanking the critic for being honest and contributing to personal improvement.

   That said, this too is not easy. Here, honesty is again helpful. When you're honest with yourself, criticism becomes easier to deal with. You can let go of your attachment to being right, admit your faults, and more clearly see your mind and personality. This last point is especially helpful to me. The reality is that one's personality is the sum of myriad factors. People feel the stab of criticism because they think that they are the sole authors of the book of personality. This is not the case. Personality's influences go far beyond the individual. The self is like a project over which we don't have full (or maybe any*) creative control. We can see personal judgement not as an attack, but as a helpful assessment of this lifelong project.